map August Diary | September Diary | October Diary | November Diary | December Diary Subject: The journey takes a twistDate: 09 September 2001 08:42The story continues and just gets madder! Apologies for the Length of this but soo much has happened: ------------------------------------------------ From Chelabinsk: The surgeon in Chelyabinsk had instructed me to have 14 days rest from cycling so Toby, Andy and Scott cycled ahead while I waited under the wing of Natashas hospitality before taking a train to Omsk. Omsk I arrived 2 days ahead of the rest of the team so had some time to check out the city which was really quite a civilised place. Most cities seem to be on a large river and my hotel room overlooked the river with an island in the middle and the occasional party boat thumping its way upstream late at night. Because of my train trip I had not been stamped out of Russia into Kazakstan and back into Russia so I now had to go to the OVIR office to get my visa’s swapped over. This simple process which would have taken minutes at the border took about 4 hours with much toing and frowing between offices and banks to pay the fee of 50p. The bureaucracy hasn’t improved with glasnost. It rained constantly (worse than England) so when the others arrived they were soaked to the skin. It was a good test of equipment and a shopping trip was organized. LATE NIGHTS, LATE MORNINGS. The day before we were due to make an early start, Andy and Toby met a couple of girls who spoke quite good English. They invited us to a night club which we duely accepted and the three of us (Scott was poorly) Set off. After enduring the Rugby scrum to get in we found ourselves in a cinema turned night club. The evening progressed with various audience participation strip tease games (watched more by the ladies than the men) and a stream of mildly erotic dancers. Our host Kate had a couple of male friends there and I said to one of them (half as a joke) we want to meet more Russian girls. Two minutes later he turned up with a beautiful slim young lady (who wiffed a bit) who sat down next to me. Andy said what about me and he was duely bought a young lady friend. The evening progressed with a little dancing and stilted conversation. There was a chap there who was commiserating the death that day of his friend who was a policeman. Many vodkas were being handed out (I managed to throw most of mine on the floor with out being caught.) while our pimp like friend kept asking if we liked our young ladies. At this point, (Toby had already gone outside with Kate for a while to “talk, away from the smokey atmosphere and noise”) Andy and I decided to extract ourselves from the increasingly awkward situation and we sneaked away to the dance floor. After half an hour we left the floor by a different route only to find our pimp friend had been watching us and insisted that we came back to the table. Waiting at the table was a huge guy who looked like a bodyguard. We managed to explain that we had to get up early the next morning, had no money (which seemed to confuse him) and were pleased to meet his friends but were not interested. This just prompted a new selection of ladies the most bizarre of which was “you like lesbian girls?” upon which he introduced us to the most stereotyped lesbian I have ever seen who looked as bemused by the whole episode as we did. I asked Kate, our original host if this chap was a pimp and were these girls prostitutes, which produced a huge amount of amusement and a resounding NO. A little earlier the DJ had been making an announcement when one of our new friends had grabbed me and pointed to the DJ box. I didn’t know what he was saying but after that, half the club seemed to know who we were and that we had cycled from England, this again produced quite a lot of attention, especially from girls on the dance floor. All in all it was a highly entertaining evening which I’ll never forget. We got back to the hotel at about 6 quite worn out and fairly pissed. A FIELD FULL OF GRASS The next morning Scott and Andy (mad cyclist, no sleep) Ganner rose early and left us a note that they would take it easy and that we should catch them up. Maybe they were taking it easy but my dodgy knee still had not recovered and it took us 4 days, including one of 95 miles to catch them up. Every km there is a mile post and they had been leaving notes on every 50th one so we knew exactly how far behind we were. (usually about 4 hours) while thay had no idea if we had even left the party entrenched city. On the second day out of Omsk we discovered a field of Hemp. Literally trees of marijuana 7 feet high. Free dope like this was too much to turn down, especially for Toby and we picked a carrier bag full. That evening we made a bucket bong from empty drinks bottles, got mildly stoned since the stuff was really not that strong and had a good nights sleep. Up to that point my knee had been a little sore but the dope really seemed to sort it out and we made excellent progress. A note from Scott and Andy up ahead indicated that they had been doing exactly the same thing and we spent some time speculating how they were using it. After we caught up with them it emerged that they had been eating it in quantity with considerably stronger affects. Experience counts on a trip like this and somehow two of us new how to extract the active ingredient of marijuana “THC” or tetrahydrocannabinol. We steamed the weed before adding a large amount of oil (we used butter since oil wasn’t available), let it stew for a while before draining off the liquid and eating it with rice. I wasn’t too keen on the taste so didn’t have much. Needless to say we got very very stoned and the resulted munchies used up all my emergency sugar food. It took Scott 3 attempts to get into his tent as he kept zipping himself out in his stoned stupor. I couldn't decide how cold I was so elected to use all my cold weather gear in case I was cold, oops. It was quite a mild night and I woke thinking I was in a sauna. The next day was a very late start and the pace was gentle for the 40 miles to Novosibirsk, the capital of Siberia, distinctive because its amazingly spacious despite having only a million inhabitants. We were all still stoned and it was the day after before I felt normal again. Good for the experience, but not one to be repeated too soon. 
We stopped one night in the City and made a late start. Now there were four of us again, the pace was higher and it was beginning to get hilly. My knee started to ache. That evening I was cycling across a field, hit a rut and a jarring pain shot through my leg, I had only done 650 km since my 2 weeks rest and my leg had packed up again. The next day pain killers were needed after only 20km and I decided to hitch hike (not such an easy option with a 
55kg (130lb) bike). The Russian newspaper article is invaluable in explaining to people what we are doing. Generally within minutes of getting it out we achieve a status equivalent to celebrity, it somehow authenticates what we are doing. Using this and by buying a truck driver a coffee we lugged the bikes onto the back of a flatbed truck with square wheels for a very bumpy 30 km lift to a large cafe stop. Scott and Andy soon caught us up 
where we made arrangements for meeting up in a city 800 km away.We sat down and started to make hitch hiker signs for Krasnoyarsk in Russian. This sparked much interest and a passenger from a luxury coach persuaded the driver to give us a lift. This time the tedious questions of “where are you from, how many children do you have, what do think of Russian women, how much do you earn, how much were your bikes” etc etc, were welcome as the coach glided along the bumpy road on a journey the length of England. We stopped at shabby cafe and our friendly passenger invited us to get off with him. I got up to follow him out, as we were quite hungry and our food 
bags were stacked at the back of the bus.“You sit down” instructed the driver and we drove off up the road to another much posher cafe. After an excellent meal for about $1.50 we set off back down the road to collect our other passenger. The chap got back on and instantly demanded to know where I had been. I am not quite sure what was being said but a great argument broke out between the passenger and drivers. Basically they were fighting over us. It was all most bizarre. The journey took about 12 hours and we arrived at 4 in the morning to find that the hotel boat we had agreed to meet at did not exist anymore. We were driven to another hotel which was shut. The drivers were getting a little frustrated by now and I said that if they dropped us off we were quite capable of fending for ourselves. They would have none of this and proceeded to the depot where they had to clean the coach by hand. We then picked up a few beers and parked where they had to pick up their passengers for the next days journey. It was 7:00 before they indicated that we had time for 1 hours sleep before the local hotel opened. Toby and I went for a walk around the fascinating local market before we were shown to a local and very cheap hotel. The coach left without even giving us a chance to say thanks. The Russian hospitality we have been receiving is simply overwhelming. top Subject: Sweating Naked in SiberiaDate: 14 September 2001 11:52In the last episode Toby and I had just been dropped at a hotel on the edge of Krasniask (that’s my dodgy English spelling for it) at 8 in the morning..... Time here: GMT+7 hours CONTEMPT FOR RUSSIAN GRASS The hotel is somewhat off the beaten track and is run by a former English teacher. For less than $7 dollars we get an ensuite bathroom, loads of hot water (up till now a novelty) and no toilet seat. We are the 5th Westerners to stay there and our newspaper articles have been photocopied and duly signed for mounting on the wall. On our second evening we met a couple of fun loving chaps at the bar who were joking about being mafia and chief policemen. After a friendly game of pool and much larking around they invited us on a fishing trip in the country which would be accompanied with a banya (Russian Steam Sauna). We politely declined but they insisted, the hotel staff seemed to know them and gradually we were won round and then became quite keen on the idea. At about noon we set off with Alexi in his Volga (Russian Mercedes) for a 80 mile trip North. We got to the lake first and while inflating the boats for the fishing, Igor turned up in his Bruiser of a Landcruser. We got the tents up before more of the party arrived with the food and, what else, Vodka. Toby and I stood looking aghast at the table groaning under 2 small bottles of beer and 12 bottles of Vodka for the 7 of us! These guys were preparing for a serious Russian party. The way you drink vodka (neat of course) is to charge your glass (or any receptacle which falls to hand) with a generous double. Propose a toast, knock it back in one and always follow it down with some food. I got caught not eating after drinking at one point and was  sternly reprimanded. The next shot I chased down with a grape which was met with general approval! It had got too dark for fishing that night and Igor said “come, we go” No idea where we followed him into the Landcruser. Now, I have been in off road vehicles before, but never one driven by a mad, half drunk Russian who loved showing off his toys. I managed to get my seatbelt on in the brief moments that my bum was in contact with the seat and we ended up at a house in the local village where we were due to have the banya. This failed as the owner was off shooting game but would return later. Returning to the lake we took a short cut, through a field of grass. The sight of marijuana trees, 7 feet high all slapping against the windscreen at 30 mph simply sent Toby and I into hysterics and with the pungent aroma of weed permeating the cabin we returned for a photo call. Five Naked Men, in a Wooden Hut, in a Muddy Village, in the middle of Siberia: After some beautiful Lamb with copious vodkas we hopped back in the 4WD and set off for our banya. In one corner was a large wood burning boiler, opposite a two level bench. It was hot, very hot. Half a litre of already boiling water is thrown over the red hot stones while you wait in the opposite corner to avoid being scolded. Then you climb onto the top bench, lying on your front with steam still jetting over you from the boiler 5 feet away. You feel yourself burning but then, just before you make a bolt for the door, there is a cooling effect. Somebody is fanning you with birch leaves. The fanning continues up and down the body keeping your temperature just within the pain threshold, despite the extremely high vodka-blood levels. Next comes the beating. I had heard of such things and assumed that it was going to hurt but in fact the sensation was very invigorating. I sneaked back into the room which was slightly less steamy and lay on the bench. Alexi came in and explained that a dry sauna was how they do it in Norway and was no rubbish. He then proceeded to throw loads more water on the stones and I bailed. It heat was a great feeling but now I really was cooking and three visits into the room was enough for me. Outside you were hosed down before drying off with an old curtain and going into the house to meet the family who owned the banya. Yet another inspired treat awaited us in the form of English tea served in china cups with milk (a rarity) straight from the cow. We adjourned to the Landcruser where it took little persuasion for me to be handed the keys for the journey back along the muddy tracks and fields. There to meet us when we arrived back was a hunter brandishing a bolt action rifle and a very dead pheasant. Also he had bought us gallon of milk still warm and extremely creamy. About midnight a lada turned up with 4 policemen in it who had come to meet the Englishmen. Much fun was had as we played with their traffic sticks and machine guns. One chap allegedly was the chief of police for the region and insisted on one of his deputies handing over his police whistle to Toby as a memento. Later as Scot and Andy were cycling towards the city they were stopped by the police who couldn’t speak English but basically just wanted to shake hands and kept saying Singapore? We adjourned to bed at 4 am, 12 hours after the first Vodka had been consumed surprisingly not to bad for the drink. We were whisked back to the city the next morning, having done no fishing (the boats had been tethered on their sides and used as wind breaks) without even the opportunity to say thanks or exchange addresses. I tried tracking Igor down a few days later to find that he was in China on business. His hospitality was simply incredible. Next: Our celebrity status soars with 2 TV appearances, some happy news at a time of World Crisis and I get an x-ray. Plus extra: our stay at Hotel PROSTITUTE Next update will be from Irkutsk 1200 km away in about 2 weeks. The temperature is getting colder and wetter daily. If you want off this list, let me know. Would anyone you know be interested in hearing about our adventures? Additions to the list are welcomed. Regards Rory August Diary | September Diary | October Diary | November Diary | December Diary | top |
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